The Cardinal & Cream Staff happened upon a Random Band Name Generator and took the opportunity to give readers a little insight into the fictitious music of their phony bands.
Caleb Morgan – Pondering History
To tell you the truth, I don’t feel that I deserve this band name, as it may be one of the greatest band names of all time. The name is so great, in fact, that I Google checked to ensure that the name wasn’t already taken, so that, in my complete lack of any sort of musical ability, I could start a band with that name. Obviously, with a pensive and rustic name like “Pondering History,” I’d have to tap into the coffeehouse/folk fusion market, as that music tends to resonate with an intellectual audience, and (as I’ve previously hinted at) “Pondering History” is the greatest and most intellectual band name of all time. As an extra tidbit, our first album (which would be released exclusively on vinyl) would be entitled “Doomed to Repeat It.”
Reeves Parrish – Springboard of Falling
This band gives you early 2000s vibes when its music graces your ears. With their chill tone and beautiful but over-dramatic lyrics, this group brings about nostalgia and puts you in a mood to eat a whole pint of ice cream by yourself as you relive the past. Their sound is generally piano or keys, led with an electric guitar and drums picking up right before the chorus begins. Their most famous songs tend to be the ones that evoke a heavy emotional reflection. Much like The Fray’s “How to Save a Life“ or Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars,” you would expect to hear these tracks as the dramatic background to a show like Grey’s Anatomy. If you’re looking for a band to soundtrack your cold, rainy day in your feels, Springboard of Falling is definitely the band for you.
Gunnar Mann – Latency of the Rarity
Latency of the Rarity has “I’m going to find this band in a suggested Spotify playlist and like them regardless” written all over it. Demonstrating a delicate balance between jazz and yacht rock, LOTR (not to be confused with the Peter Jackson film series) explores the unknown regions of where white-hipster music can go. With the scattered in-dissonance of a Tim Robinson sketch, this band would take over Union in a heartbeat. God bless.
Suzanne Rhodes – Acoustic Murdering
It’s like Anthem Lights meets Skillet.
Acoustic Murdering, a kinda-Christian rock band, runs on the paychecks of insignificant coffee shops and fraternity formals, but they specialize in creating covers of overly used wedding songs with an extra kick of the electric guitar. Most known for their cover of “Just the Way You Are,” by Bruno Mars, Acoustic Murdering has made a name for themselves amongst many high school students who have hit their rebellious-theatre-kid stage. The three-person band, made up of college friends who met in personal finance during their junior year, have traveled all across the West Tennessee area, but they currently reside in Jackson, Mississippi. Imagine the voice of Adam Levine colliding with the music of 3 Doors Down, and that’s the kind of magic Acoustic Murdering brings to the spotlight.
Gage Gwartney – Irrational Lift
Irrational lift is a banger of a band name! “Irrational” fits me perfectly because that’s how I think most of the time, and “lift” just adds a lift to the name itself. My band music would 100% consist of trap rap that gets people lit at parties. I’d definitely have several number one hits in my career, not going to lie.
Isaac Elliott – Underwater Negative
I see Underwater Negative as an up-and-coming Brockhampton-esque boy band. They’re at the forefront of experimental music that can range anywhere from hip-hop to indie pop to even gospel. It’s a fitting name considering I love the ocean and photography (since negative can be a photography term). Due to the “negative” reference, the band’s marketing and branding is the best of the best- which only adds to the legend of their cutting-edge musical sound. Although the band is most certainly more geared towards the 18-to-25-year-old crowd, they have some songs that may even make their parents want to get up and sing. This band may seem just like a Brockhampton clone, but they will be more well put together and therefore have better longevity. Not only that, but their sound will be more of an orchestral and transcendent take on what Kevin Abstract has been able to achieve with the other members of Brockhampton. Underwater Negative is a pioneer in the music industry, opening up doors for those who come after to continue to revolutionize what we know to be music.