“We should have taken a photo for the magazine where I was wearing that crown.”
The statement was clearly a joke, but to me it held some truth. I was in the presence of a leader.
Sitting in the worn red chairs in the publication lab, I could not help but compare Margee Stanfield, a senior journalism major and the current editor-in-chief of Union’s Cardinal & Cream magazine, to a queen on her throne. She sat there comfortably, wearing her usual shades of brown, as she joked with a friend. The comedic air was there, the backdrop a white board with multiple caricatures of her drawn — the word “brown” right next to her sketched head. Through the laughter, you could tell that she was in her element.
It was obvious that Margee was very familiar with her environment. She has been involved with Union’s journalism program and Cardinal & Cream for the past four years of her life. It has become another part of her routine.
“School has been very rhythmic … in that this is what I’ve been doing for the last four years,” she said. “And I mean, I can talk about college as a whole, but mostly college, to me, has been Cardinal & Cream.”
She regaled me with her entry into the journalism world as a simple writer. Her eyes clouded up with nostalgia.
“I’ve sat in this room every Monday for the past three years of my life,” Margee said. “That is what I have consumed. It was falling in love with Cardinal and Cream, getting to be a part of it in multiple capacities, going all the way up to editor-in-chief, getting to make these magazines, getting to meet my people, getting to have my staff and being able to put so much of my love into that. That is a lot of what is tied into thinking about graduation, it is like, ‘Oh, that is going to be over.’”
Out of everything she had experienced, change is what Margee fears the most. A ripple in the calm, constant waters. The idea that everything she knows is going to disappear and never be the same again once she walks across that stage.
“Change has always been so hard for me,” she said. “I just hate it, and it has taken a long time for me to get to a place where I feel like, ‘Okay, I’m ready.’’’
At first, I found it hard to believe that Margee Stanfield could fear anything. She had always appeared as this confident writer, editor and leader. But this was not always the case.
“When I came into college, I was a very different person. I was a lot more anxious. I was not super secure in myself. I would not even talk a lot in a classroom,” she said.
Being a commuter student and only coming on campus for class initially caused Margee to feel a bit isolated from her peers. It took her time to adjust and find her place. Once she did, she began to grow.
“She has become more laid back, which was my hope,” Todd Stanfield, her dad and the dean of the School of Social Work, said. “I have just seen her become much more social, much more willing to color outside the lines and just gain a whole lot of confidence and have even stronger opinions about things and not second-guess herself.”
Todd was ecstatic to see his daughter grow into the confident young woman that she is today. She is his only daughter, however, making him somewhat reluctant to let her leave the nest.
“My emotions are right under the surface at all times,” Todd said. “That is what makes me sympathetic. I have quick access to my emotions, but most of the time, I am trying to keep them where they need to be. I am just hoping that, even when graduation day comes, I am able to stay in my window of tolerance and not have a breakdown and ugly cry.”
Todd Stanfield told me that he would be lying, however, if he said that he was not excited to see what the future had in store for his daughter — the stories that she would go on to tell.
“There is a part of me that is looking forward to hearing the ‘Adventures of Margee,’” he said. “I am ready to read that story. I know it will be heartbreaking at times, but she is just a cool kid.”
As we talked, I realized that there was one part of her life that Margee feared losing the most — the aspects of her life that she practiced every year at around the same time with her parents, her friends and herself. Her traditions.
“The night before my birthday, my mom and I always eat Fruity Pebbles,” Margee said. “And then, at some point along the way, I implemented watching “La La Land” in accordance with the Fruity Pebbles.”
Yearly Fruity Pebbles and “La La Land” was just one of her traditions. She told me about her Christmas Eve Hullabaloo, her birthday parties for her cat, Tommy, and how she watches every Star Wars or Marvel trailer with her dad.
Each one caused her excitement to grow. However, as graduation continued to be brought up, Margee’s fear of losing these traditions came forward.
“A lot will definitely depend on what is coming next for me, but moving away from home could potentially mean a loss of them. A lot of the traditions are very holiday-based or involve my parents,” Margee said. “I might be somewhere where I cannot come home for a certain holiday, or the holiday will not exist in the house that I have grown up in. We cannot do all of those things, so a lot of the traditions will probably look different.”
Margee’s moments where she was able to bond with her friends and family are precious to her and will never be forgotten.
“I am sure they will continue and that there will be so many more traditions,” Margee said. “There will be new people in my life that I make traditions with, and that’s exciting too. There is no way for them to not bring me joy when the purpose of them is to bring me joy. I will still find a way to find the joy and pursue the love, regardless of what form they end up taking, because that’s the point.”
The look on her face told me that she believed every word. I saw no fear anymore, only anticipation and excitement. She knew that the things she loved to celebrate and practice would follow her, even if that meant change.
“I feel equipped that it’s time for me to move on to the next thing, which I have not always felt like that,” Margee said. “It is all in pursuit of joy. I really think it’s living life to the fullest. My mom always says that I could be in a field of flowers, and I would find the one weed that looks kind of like a flower.”
Her love and joy in finding the little things in life are only reinforced by her faith in God and His plan for her, giving her the strength to enter the unknown.
“Looking back now, I can see exactly where God had me at each moment in accordance with His plan,” Margee said. “I can feel the physical growth in the way that I exist in the room, and knowing that growth has happened makes me feel okay. I did not feel like when college came to an end that I was going to feel ready, but God has made it so that I do. I know that I can continue on once I graduate, and that just makes me feel a little more secure.”
It is all in His grand plan. Knowing that we are cradled in the Creator’s mighty hands gives Margee a constant sense of security. She is confident in believing that she can adapt her traditions and continue to find joy in life by remembering her faith.
“My favorite Bible verse is in James,” Margee said. “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.”
Margee is steadfast in her traditions and through change. As we ended, she even gave me a little tidbit of advice for anyone who wants to start or keep any traditions of their own.
“If you are pursuing things that bring you joy and love,” Margee said. “Then those two things, whatever comes out of it, is going to be good.”
