As a 9-year-old, I had one dream in my life, and that was to be a famous athlete. My dad was a huge Texas A&M fan, so the first famous athlete I saw in person was Johnny Manziel at the Chick-fil-a bowl. I remember how the rest of the team was essentially invisible because everyone wanted to see “Mr. Johnny Football.” This is how I pictured my life going. This was what I wanted. Now as a college athlete myself, and having seen the downfall of Manziel, I realize I would never wish that life on anybody.
“Untold: Johnny Football” is a new documentary from Netflix, telling the story of Manziel—the good and the bad. He went from being the best college football player in the country in his freshman year of college to being on the verge of homelessness five years later. What made Manziel so famous was a mixed bag. He would party every night like many college students, and then play the greatest game of football you’d ever seen anyone play.
On the outside, all you might see is a stupid college kid who has everything in the world but hasn’t matured. However, in the documentary we see how much pressure this 19-year-old had placed on him and how his mental health took a toll.
This is a dilemma that may never be widely understood about college athletes. No matter how composed athletes may seem, they are all dealing with a mental burden that can’t even be imagined. Even as a division two athlete that is not famous, if I make a mistake, I feel like I’ve let down myself and many others. I couldn’t even imagine the letdown a famous athlete would feel.
I’m not saying that Manziel was in the right to go out and party all night before a game—but this was obviously his escape. This is what allowed him to play the freest flowing football, because his mind was at ease. Even his coaches would say they didn’t agree with it, but that his dark side is what he must release to play great. This is not uncommon; many top athletes need a release that allows them to play at their highest level.
Manziel’s talent could only take him so far, though, before the trouble of partying every night caught up with him. He realized that to play professionally, he had to stop partying. But this immediately lowered his ability to play football at his best as his struggles caught up with him. He explained how being a professional football player, with everything in the world, was the lowest he had ever felt.
Eventually, no matter how much you love a sport, it can become just a job, especially when money is involved. This job of playing your best every day along with being famous is just too much. It’s a pressure that would drive anybody insane.
That 9-year-old kid watching Manziel play in a sold-out stadium while leading a team to a 21-point comeback at midnight on New Years was amazed. I would’ve done anything for that to have been me out there. It was impossible not to love such a talented guy with his “show me the money” celebration. Even now, after I know how hard it was for him, I would still take his place just to feel the rush.
Out of all the drugs Manziel did, the drug that led to his ultimate downfall was simply winning. That need to win is the worst because you will never conquer it. There will always be more. He felt he had lost so badly that he couldn’t win anymore. This eventually led to his suicide attempt, because for someone in that position, life seems pointless when you can’t win. Luckily, he survived to tell the story.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m becoming addicted to the drug.
Actually, I know I am addicted.
Johnny Manziel was improving dramatically in the CFL before they canned him for not seeing a shrink. He should not think his football career is over. Reinstatement should not be out of the question.