For those unaffiliated, Ted Kluck is the journalism professor here at Union. Besides being a professor, Kluck wears a plethora of hats (all of them newsies caps), including podcaster, father, athlete and author. To know Ted Kluck is to know a man who is honest and passionate, even on the glum days.
With that being said, knowing Ted Kluck also means not always fully understanding his lingo.
Talking to Ted Kluck is like watching British television: you always understand the gist of what they’re saying, but man it’s easier with subtitles.
To aid any students, peers or superiors who are lucky enough to have a conversation with Kluck, I’ve prepared a comprehensive list of catchphrases and jargon that will guide you through.
“Baby”- To most, baby is an affectionate phrase for an infant or a significant other, but to Kluck, baby is a universal, non-gender specific nickname. You wrote an excellent piece for the Cardinal & Cream? “Baby.” Maybe you just finished telling a tragic story of why you were late to class, “Baby.” Perhaps you’re watching Instagram videos on your phone while he’s talking, “Baby.”
“Judas H. Priest”- If you ever hear Kluck say the words “Judas H. Priest,” you must have delivered some shocking or depressing news. This exclamatory is reserved for those excuses and events that are extra unexpected or despairing.
“Glum”- If the weather is ever particularly damp and cloudy, and a Monday is dragging on especially long, it never fails that Ted Kluck comes into class feeling the same way you do: glum. While ordinary people are sad or sleepy, Kluck is glum. (Small aside: I’ve noticed that, more times than not, Kluck is wearing a scarf when glum. Not sure if there is any direct correlation.)
“Money”- If you’ve done a good job, told a good story, or wore a dope pair of sneakers, it’s “money.” Hearing Ted Kluck say your project was “money” is the equivalent of getting a handshake from Paul on the “British Bake Off.”
“My Lady”- Ted Kluck is a sensitive and emotional guy, a Teddy Bear of sorts, and never is that more apparent than when discussing “his lady,” KK. (Another small aside: I’ve attempted to call my girlfriend “my lady,” in a vain attempt to muster up the cool of Kluck, but when I say it, it sounds more like a question, so I’ve given up.)
“Bloviate”- When Kluck has a topic or story he’s passionate about, he doesn’t talk, he bloviates. Bloviate, in its traditional definition, means to “talk at length, especially in an inflated or empty way.” Yet, in Kluck’s case, it’s almost always to share a bit of personal or helpful information that lets you into his world a little bit, and it isn’t empty at all.
This is just a bit of the jargon that people associated with Ted Kluck recognize. The first time you hear it, you laugh but think it’s cool. The second time you hear it, you realize that this isn’t some persona he puts on, but it is his true personality. And before you know it, you’ve incorporated the words into your own terminology, spicing up your conversation with pinches of “Kluck-isms.” Feel free to add to the list, as there is always something new cooking up in Ted’s head.